


night wish

by laurensdirection



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Friendship/Love, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:01:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23366623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurensdirection/pseuds/laurensdirection
Summary: One week after Hoseok’s fateful departure from Monsta X what happens when he and Kihyun reunite under a blanket of stars?
Relationships: Lee Hoseok | Wonho/Yoo Kihyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	night wish

**night wish**

\-- _thank you to every bright star in my sky. love and gratitude to Joanna_ \--

✷ ·

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* * ⋆ .

⋆ ˚ ˚ ✦

⋆ · *

⋆ ✧ · ✧ ✵

✵

Hoseok sprinted out of the sky-high, multi-story building with heaving breaths. His eyes immediately scanned everything that was in his line of sight. 

Seoul was covered in a thick blanket of night and he blended in with his surroundings from head to toe. His hair was newly dyed midnight black. A few strands dripped water from his late-night shower. Others were nearly dry and in full disarray from running down 8 flights of stairs. He wore simple black sweatpants and a large t-shirt with permanent wrinkles. His shoes, also black, were unlaced and haphazardly thrown on. He ignored the chill in the air, the way the hair on his bare arms rose from the cold. 

He stood there all because of one message. 

_I’m coming._

Behind him the automatic glass door slowly closed and the sounds of far-away traffic filled his ears. The rush of adrenaline peaked making it hard to focus, to breathe, to see clearly. The entire courtyard was empty and bare. 

It was the middle of the night and he was in the heart of Gangnam.

 _“Where are you?”_ Hoseok shouted, the words echoing between his ears. He spun in a circle, whirling around so fast it almost made himself sick. The tall buildings around him titled and shifted like he was riding a rollercoaster. He was completely alone. _“Where are you?”_

Hoseok paused and slowed his chaotic thoughts, the ones that were causing the adrenaline to spike. His lips pursed together and he breathed out a warm huff of air. A flicker above caught his attention and he looked up. His jaw unhinged in slow-motion. 

High in the sky the moon shimmered brightly like a beacon. He observed every bit of brightness, the beams of light illuminating and enhancing everything they touched. 

And for one short moment Hoseok felt at peace. It was the first time in days, maybe weeks. 

Even though his heart had begun to slow, an expectant feeling kept it pounding and heated the blood in his veins. His cheeks looked flush, not just from the chill in the November air. He lowered his head and continued his search. Around him the leaves had fallen off the trees leaving them completely bare. It was just like how he’d been feeling. Stripped bare with nothing to protect him. 

And cold. So very cold. It was something he’d felt so deeply he started to wonder if he’d ever feel warm again. 

Then suddenly there was a rustle of motion to his right and a streetlight flashed nearby. It only took a few seconds to recognize the sound of his own labored breathing now mixed with another’s. The person went from a heavy run to a staggering stop several feet in front of him. 

It was the second time that day his heart fell out of his chest and lay at his feet. 

Hoseok blinked over and over again, wondering if the person before him was truly real. Both hands reached up and rubbed his eyelids. When he opened them again and nothing changed his mouth fell open in complete and utter disbelief. 

They had only been apart for a week but to Hoseok it had felt like years.

The tips of their ears were rosy pink and their eyes were black, impenetrable. Familiar dark brown hair curled around their ears, overlong and due for a haircut. More strands stuck to their forehead with sweat, damp and darkened underneath a familiar looking baseball cap. Almost the same height, their gazes were parallel and unyielding. 

Kihyun stood ten feet away.

He leaned against a lamp-post that illuminated every pale freckle and smooth line of his face. Even though he seemed different Hoseok thought he looked like an angel fallen from heaven. Kihyun took several heavy breaths holding a hand over his heart, another clutching his side. His eyes never left Hoseok’s in the seconds that passed between them. 

“Am I dreaming?” Hoseok didn’t want to blink, couldn't risk losing sight of Kihyun. His thoughts were so singular, so focused on the person before him. 

Time appeared to freeze. With each second that passed they both stood gazing across the distance like they were the only people that mattered in the world. 

“You’re not dreaming,” Kihyun answered with a tone that sounded as bleak as the darkness swimming in his eyes. 

Hearing Kihyun’s voice sent crashing waves through Hoseok that chilled him to the bone. His body trembled for more reason than one, suddenly noticing the deep-set creases on his face, the hollow cheeks and dry, cracked lips. Kihyun glared back at him. 

“Kihyun,” Hoseok breathed, stumbling. He didn’t mean to move yet his body fell forward, gravity pulling him toward the ground before his legs found strength to hold his body up. His feet went forward on their own accord like he was being pulled by a string. The distance grew shorter and his lips whispered his name so softly it was sacred. “Kihyun. Kihyun. _Kihyunnie_.” 

His best friend stood in front of him with tears freely streaming down his cheeks, hands clenched at his fists at his sides. Kihyun’s lips parted to release small gasps of air so quickly he struggled to breathe. In a matter of seconds his hands visibly shook and both eyes turned red and blazing, full of anger and fueling the look of hatred directed right at his best friend. 

“Why?” Kihyun roared, tearing the words straight from his lungs. His chest heaved like the skin and bones were about to break open. He repeated again with the most piercing look. “Why? Why, why!” 

It felt like a giant chasm had opened up separating them once again. 

Anger and rage flashed across Kihyun’s features, only to be replaced by other emotions that seemed harder to name. Worry, regret, sadness, or defeat? It was too soon to tell which ones were real. In ten years of friendship he’d never seen Kihyun like this before. 

Hoseok paused, hurling his body to a stop to keep the distance. There were no words in his mind, no apologies or condolences he could convey to him, to any of his members that would erase what he had done. That’s why he had left, to spare them, to keep them away from the hurt and damage he had caused. 

“Why Hoseok! Why?” Kihyun rushed forward, teeth gritted. He snarled and pushed up to full height. They stood one foot apart, so close they could feel each other heaving for air, for clarity, for answers to their prayers. He lowered his tone, but frustration lingered. “Why?!” 

The hurt in Kihyun’s eyes, the expression of sadness and anger on his face was so visible it felt like looking in the mirror. He could only imagine what Kihyun saw back; how lifeless he looked, how empty he felt. The color of his skin, now pale and wan, his hair no longer vibrant but thin and black. The purple-grey marks beneath his lashes from sleepless nights. 

“Hyung!” Kihyun yelled brokenly, wrecking his throat. The word echoed through the entire courtyard and bounced off the grey, concrete stones. The trees nearby shook from a gust of wind, swaying the branches like spindly ghosts. 

Hoseok solely focused on Kihyun and watched the fire burn out in his eyes. What remained was a simmering anger and wet tears that helplessly fell, dropping from his cheeks down to his grey, stained sweatshirt. 

It was then he realized Kihyun wasn’t wearing a coat. Hoseok appraised him further noticing the pink in his cheeks and at the tip of his nose from the early winter temperatures. His sweatpants and oversized sweatshirt looked randomly chosen. The sleeves covered his wrists, yet Hoseok watched Kihyun’s hands shake as his whole body hummed with an energy, a vibration that felt heavy and foreign. Hoseok had no idea what to do, what he could possibly say. 

He locked eyes with Kihyun hoping to convey every feeling he had trapped inside. 

Instead he had seconds to interpret Kihyun’s wild expression before the younger member lunged at him, hands out, pushing him back with incredible force. 

Hoseok staggered, his legs faltering. His arms swayed back, ready to catch himself if he would fall. In seconds an equilibrium pulled his body upright, no longer wavering on his feet. He raised a hand to his chest and caught his breath, feeling completely caught off guard. 

Kihyun growled, lips curling to reveal bright, white teeth. “Talk to me! Say something!” He surged for him again pushing with brute strength. His emotions intensified each shove, more power than Hoseok ever thought would come from his lithe body. 

But Hoseok took every ounce of Kihyun’s aggression and held his hands up in surrender in case he wanted to hurt him more. He’d take every bit of it because deep down he knew he deserved it. And because of that truth he didn’t think apologizing was enough, no words could undo the harm he knew he caused, the attention he put on his members, the hardships they would endure because of him.

Hoseok’s tears began to fall just as hard as Kihyun’s, suddenly imagining what it must have been like promoting and moving on like nothing had happened. His hands fell at his sides, pulling a stray thread and unraveling it with his fingers. It was too hard to picture, too much to think about. 

“Six days. It’s been six days.” Kihyun grabbed at the front of his sweatshirt and tugged, pulling them violently together. Their bodies clashed and sprung apart like asteroids colliding in space. 

For a moment the only sound was their heavy breathing and the hum of nightlife in the far-off distance. 

“I know.” Hoseok’s voice was barely audible, his eyes downcast on the cold, dark pavement. 

“You ignored every call, every text, everything from us for six days.” Kihyun gripped his fingers around his wrists, clutching. Each word was laced with an exasperation Hoseok had never heard before. Kihyun’s head ducked lower, trying anything he could do to meet Hoseok’s averting gaze. He yelled, their faces only inches apart, “I can’t take this anymore!”

He tried to move but Kihyun’s grasp was too tight, too real, too much. 

“Kihyun...” Hoseok begged. He closed his eyes, no longer able to face him. _“Kihyun.”_

Kihyun was too good to get hurt, too perfect to ruin. He was already broken and beyond repair. Every day there were more cracks in his worthless, beating heart. He didn’t deserve to be in his presence, but he begged anyway, for what he didn’t even know. There was nothing he could ask of Kihyun after what he had done. None of the members should forgive him. 

“Kihyun. Kihyun,” Hoseok said breathlessly. When he was done he felt Kihyun’s hands let go of his wrists. “Wait!⎯” he panicked. 

Soft, careful hands neared his face, gently brushing against his cheeks. In that moment he was forced to see Kihyun in stunning clarity and face everything he had been running from, everything that had been haunting his dreams and keeping him awake. Two thumbs stroked his tender skin wiping the tears from under his eyes and sweeping the moisture off of his cheeks, his jaw, his chin. Everywhere the evidence of his breaking showed, Kihyun brushed it away with the gentlest of strokes, the faintest of touch.

“I’m right here.” Kihyun’s voice was unnaturally steady, his words a promise. “I’m not leaving.” 

Hoseok’s legs buckled from the sincerity in his words. A promise he didn’t deserve. So many words he wished Kihyun would take back. He swayed forward, his center of gravity failing and causing him to lose balance. He stumbled, struggling to stay upright. 

Kihyun held him, gripping his hands around Hoseok’s waist and crushing him against his body. Both legs strengthened to hold his weight. He reassured Hoseok, lips at his ear, “I’m here, I’ve got you.” 

Warm breath tickled his skin. It felt so good to feel him, to touch him, to be near him. 

“I don’t deserve you, I don’t deserve any of this..” Hoseok crumbled into him. He wept as his arms threaded around Kihyun’s back, his head curling into his shoulder. They molded together like there was no beginning and no end. Hoseok’s hands squeezed his smaller frame, desperate to clutch every part of him he could reach. Kihyun curled his arms around Hoseok’s wide shoulders, holding him so tight it was hard to breathe. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Hoseok heaved, breathing into the thick fabric of Kihyun’s sweatshirt. It was wet with tears and snot from his nose, so much he couldn’t control. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry..” 

Small hands squeezed his shoulders and rubbed down his back. With each touch Hoseok’s tears eased but the apologies didn’t stop. His voice croaked with each word he repeated, the penance he owed Kihyun, all the members, all the staff, all the fans.

He would say those words until his last breath. 

They held each other under the moonlight. Mist fell around them, soft from the night that was dawning into day. 

Hoseok’s heavy cries slowed but he held Kihyun like it was his lifeline. He knew nothing he could say would atone for what he did, what he sacrificed, how he wanted to save the others from his past. His chin lifted and he found his best friend staring at him with big, tearful eyes. Sadness and regret pierced Hoseok’s heart. Not for leaving, but hurting everyone most precious to him. For making his best friend cry and come to him in the middle of the night. 

He lowered his head in shame and proceeded to step back. 

“Wait..” Kihyun asked, his eyebrows knitting together. “Can we go inside? To talk?” His head nodded toward the residence building behind them. 

“Inside?” A chill spread down Hoseok’s spine. 

“Please?” 

The look on Kihyun’s face was so hopeful that Hoseok would have said yes to anything in the entire world that he asked for.

“Okay,” Hoseok replied nervously. “Follow me.” 

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Hoseok put a finger to his lips telling Kihyun to stay quiet as they toed off their shoes. He bent forward, helping him slip on house slippers before standing back up and putting on his own. 

Kihyun followed him down the dark, unlit hall then let himself be pulled into a messy room lit from moonlight streaming through the window. Hoseok turned on a side lamp and everything glowed from the warm light. There was a mess of suitcases, boxes, and general disarray on the floor. His bed was unmade and his rumpled pillow looked dangerously close to falling off the mattress. A wrinkled t-shirt and boxers were in a pile on the floor from the previous day. 

“Sorry, sorry,” Hoseok rushed to clear the floor and make space on the bed. His body moved quickly but Kihyun was faster. His gentle hand pulled Hoseok onto the mattress and pushed him in a sitting position. 

“It’s okay, I understand,” Kihyun murmured while he found a comfortable position next to him. His legs dangled off the bed as he appraised the small room. A softness filled in his smile lines. His right hand inched towards Hoseok’s left. The touch was tender and warm. Kihyun clasped their hands together tightly. 

Hoseok shyly bit his lip. “So..” His hand, the one not held by Kihyun, brushed a stray hair away from his face. “Sorry all of this,” he gestured to himself and his space, “is a bit of a mess.” 

“I get it. Don’t worry about it,” Kihyun squeezed his hand in reassurance. 

“You don’t like messy things..” Hoseok worried, his brows furrowed. His eyes darted, assessing how bad things really looked. To Kihyun this was probably a disaster zone. He pouted at the thought. 

“This is the first time you’ve ever wanted to clean for me. I won’t forget this.” Kihyun laughed softly at his expression. He pulled his hand away and let it rest on his thigh. 

Hoseok already missed the warmth against his palm. He wondered how he could touch him again. He sighed and shook his head to regain focus. Kihyun was here for a reason. “I know there’s a lot we should talk about,” he gulped, his adams apple bobbing. 

“We have time,” Kihyun interrupted. He pulled his leg up on the bed and turned to face Hoseok. 

“I⎯I don’t know what to say.” Hoseok clenched his fingers, stretched them, then moved to sit on his hands. His thoughts were complicated. He looked all around his room avoiding Kihyun’s gaze. His teeth pulled at his lower lip. “It feels like too much has happened, so much is going on. I don’t know where to start, it’s⎯” 

A gentle hand covered his mouth and stopped him mid sentence. Both eyes widened in shock. Hoseok’s hands slid out from underneath his thighs and he laid them at his sides, carefully watching Kihyun’s every move. He exhaled slowly, waiting. 

Kihyun lowered his hand and it was then that Hoseok noticed his waterline filled with tears, one teardrop cascading down his cheek. Kihyun’s lips wobbled before he spoke. “Can’t we fix this?” His voice was small and pleading. 

Hoseok was speechless, his heart constricting at the helplessness in Kihyun’s question, the way the corners of his lips frowned with despair. He’d never seen him this vulnerable, this full of desperation. Kihyun was usually strong and steady but now he was falling to pieces just like Hoseok had. 

Kihyun wasn’t done. He took a shaky breath and asked, “Why couldn’t you stay? We could’ve fought all of this together. You didn’t need to go..” his voice cracked, his lungs begging for air after each word. “Why.. Hoseok, why?”

Hoseok couldn’t take it one second longer. With less than gentle movements he pulled Kihyun in his lap and sat him flush against his body. Both let out panting breaths and leaned into each other, Kihyun wrapping his arms around Hoseok’s shoulders. Hoseok slid his arms around Kihyun’s lower back, clasping his hands tight near the base of his spine. Together they were secure, solid, unwavering. 

They leaned into each other and cried until their tears ran out. 

Kihyun hiccuped after a minute and needed to catch his breath, to wipe his cheeks. Hoseok looked up through black, thick lashes and shook his head, pulling Kihyun’s hands into his lap. Then he gently pressed his sweatshirt sleeve to Kihyun’s face to dry his tears, to clean his face. The snot under his nose disappeared when Hoseok wiped it away. Kihyun cringed, looking down at Hoseok with pursed lips. Hoseok didn’t give a damn about his clothes. In response he held Kihyun tighter. His hands rubbed soothing circles into Kihyun’s hip bones, his sides, everywhere he could soothe the tension. Kihyun melted into his touch and found solace in the sound of Hoseok’s heart beating against his own chest. 

They continued stared at each other like it had been years instead of just days of seeing each other. After several long minutes of being locked in each other's gaze Kihyun cried again. He couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

“Kihyun.. I’m sorry,” Hoseok soothed, rubbing his hands up and down his back. Each touch of his hands conveyed apology and reverence. “I’m sorry,” he repeated brokenly. 

“Hyung, why couldn’t you stay?” Kihyun’s lower lip trembled. His body was overtaken with chills. “We could fight this together. You didn’t need to go..” His voice cracked in the middle, his throat hoarse from crying. 

Hoseok hung his head and stared at a wet spot on Kihyun’s sweatshirt from his own tears. After a moment he answered, carefully choosing his words. “The rumors were about me,” he explained. “None of you needed to be dragged into that. I can’t have you fighting my battles.”

“Your battles? We’re a team, a group. It's all or nothing.” 

Kihyun sounded desperate to convince him. 

“If I was going down,” Hoseok’s head slowly raised. Two twin teardrops flowed down his cheeks leaving tracks in their wake. He gazed at Kihyun with all the honesty and compassion he could muster in his dark, sad eyes. “I wasn’t letting any of you come with me.” 

Kihyun crumpled forward, overwhelmed from his confession. His head fell onto Hoseok’s shoulder and his entire body shuddered. He clutched his fingers around Hoseok’s neck painfully tight. 

“I’d do it again if I had to.” Hoseok held him with immeasurable strength and tenderness, pulling him close until there was no space between them. 

“Hyung..” Kihyun choked on his own tears. His body shook with heavy quakes. He felt flushed with warmth and yet chills raced down his arms, the back of his legs. “ _Hoseok-ah._ ” 

Hoseok had to tell his truth, his reasons. His lips paused at Kihyun’s ear, “I’d sacrifice my own happiness, my everything if it meant you got to keep yours. You⎯Hyunwoo, Jooheonie, Changkyun, Minhyuk, Hyungwonie,” Hoseok paused to catch his breath. “I can live with my choices if it means you and everyone else gets to keep doing what you love.” 

His words broke something deep inside Kihyun. What was worse is that he completely knew the truth, Kihyun knew this is what his best friend would do. Hoseok would go to hell and back if it meant no one else got hurt. But it didn’t hurt any less hearing it confirmed. 

Kihyun’s shoulders shook, his body rolling with cold chills. Every emotion ran through his body like a shockwave. Strong, vicelike fingers grabbed at the back of Hoseok’s sweatshirt, the other at the back of his head. Kihyun gripped his hair like he’d never let go. Hoseok felt the pressure, the strength of Kihyun’s hands holding him. With every bit of strength he had he held back just as tightly. This embrace felt different. 

“You can’t do this, Hoseok-ah, you can’t,” Kihyun begged. 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled back. “I never wanted to hurt you.” 

Kihyun’s fingers clenched. “What about your passions, your dreams? Why are you the only one who has to sacrifice? They came after Minhyuk, Hyunwoo too!” His voice carried throughout the room. He coughed, clearing his throat. “Who knows, maybe I was next?” 

Hoseok wanted to calm him, to rationalize. “None of it matters anymore.”

“Of course it matters! We need to fix this⎯to make everything like it was.” 

Hoseok turned so he was eye to eye with Kihyun and stared into his worn, tired eyes. He needed to make sure Kihyun heard every word from his lips. “I will always put you first. You, all the members. You are everything to me. I will put myself last every time.” 

Kihyun’s face fell as the words registered, his brain understanding his meaning. In seconds his hands went into fists and pounded at Hoseok’s back, his sides, pushed his weak hands against his stomach, his shoulders. 

Hoseok just took it, his body jerking in all directions as Kihyun exhausted himself.

“I hate you. I hate you. I hate you so much.” 

Fists continued to push and punch and he jerked their bodies, almost falling off the bed. Hoseok held him tight through the entire thing, making sure they wouldn’t fall. It hurt, but he wouldn’t let Kihyun see him struggle. His body would heal and the bruises would fade. 

“I know,” Hoseok replied honestly. He gritted his teeth and frowned. “Kihyun, I know.” 

“Why couldn’t we fight together. Nothing was true! We all know that. Those rumors were nothing. Nothing!” Kihyun shouted the last word. 

Hoseok reached around and put a finger on his lips, shushing him. His mother and father were asleep in another room. He couldn’t bear to wake them in the middle of the night. 

“I wasn’t going to let anything happen to you.” 

“But every rumor, every article, none of it was true. We all know that. The company knows that. The money.. the drugs, it was all made up. They twisted everything.” Kihyun gripped at his shoulders and shook. The mattress squeaked and Hoseok grunted, holding it in. 

After a moment Hoseok lowered his head against Kihyun’s chest. “I know. Trust me, I know.” His fingers gripped at Kihyun’s hips and held his sweatshirt between stretched fingers. 

“We almost cancelled every performance,” Kihyun said in a low tone. His fingers played with Hoseok’s hair, rubbed at the top of his spine. Small beads of sweat formed at his hairline. “We wanted to.” 

Everything went silent for five long seconds. 

“It was so hard to get through the rehearsals, the sound checks,” Kihyun explained shakily. “We wanted to see the fans, to let them know we were still there. But the pain on their faces.. none of us could handle that.” Kihyun’s entire body went soft, pliant. “The past few nights I couldn’t even sleep, couldn’t close my eyes. I went into your room.” 

“You did?” Hoseok half-whispered.

Kihyun’s hands caressed down Hoseok’s shoulders, around his upper arms. “I just needed to feel close to you, to be near you again. I wore your shirts.. the ones you left.” 

“Kihyun,” he breathed. 

“You’ve never left our minds, not for one minute.” 

“The other members, too?” Hoseok peeked his head up just a few inches. Hope dangled on a string connected straight to his heart. 

Kihyun wrapped his arms around his broad back, pushing against his spine. Hoseok sat upright, back straight. Their faces aligned again. “Of course, hyung,” he said fondly. “They wouldn’t let us talk about you. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t think about you every second.” 

“Every second?” The corners of his lips almost rose to a full smile. 

The light in Kihyun’s eyes had returned and they sparkled. “Just about.” 

“Thank you,” Hoseok muttered, sighing. He felt relieved for the first time in a long time. “For everything.” 

“I haven’t forgiven you yet, hyung.” Kihyun ticked his sides, at spots on his back and shoulders he couldn’t reach. Hoseok wiggled around on the bed, moving their bodies together as they moved about and crumpled the duvet. 

“Okay, okay!” Hoseok said with a shout, holding Kihyun in place. “You can still be mad at me.”

“Good, cause I plan to.” 

“For what, exactly?”

Kihyun tapped a finger against his chin. He smirked, “the list is long⎯”

“There’s a list?” Hoseok scoffed, looking far more offended than he actually was. It was hard to hold back the little bit of happiness he felt. His heart skipped a beat seeing Kihyun laugh again. 

“You ignored all of our calls, our texts! I was about to write a message in the sky.” 

“You’ve really got a thing for private planes, don’t you?” Hoseok joked. 

“This isn’t funny! Tonight I worried you were going to leave me in the cold.” 

“I⎯I almost didn’t believe it was true,” Hoseok admitted. He started feeling pins and needles in his legs and shifted Kihyun off of him so they could sit side by side. His fingers massaged over his sweatpants to recirculate the blood. Kihyun pouted and watched him rub over his thighs, his knees, the back of his calves. Hoseok explained further, his cheeks flushing to a soft pink, “I wanted to see you so bad I ran outside without even thinking.” 

Kihyun smirked, recalling the memory. “I wanted to hit you.” 

“You still can,” Hoseok said earnestly. “I deserve it.” 

Kihyun reached for his knee, rubbing softly in a circle. “You think you deserve all of this, don’t you?” 

“It’s hard to see it any other way.” Hoseok lowered his head and stared at his lap, fixated on his folded hands. His sensations had all gone back to normal. 

“Well,” Kihyun huffed out a shallow breath. “It’s not true.” 

Hoseok had no response, no rebuttal to Kihyun’s words. It was too hard to believe. 

“You don’t believe me? Fine.” In seconds Kihyun made a fist and slammed it into Hoseok’s stomach with enough force to push him flat on his back, almost hitting his head on the wall. Hoseok’s lips fell open in surprise. He stared at Kihyun, not fully understanding.

“I switch between wanting to hug you and punch you every other minute,” Kihyun laughed. 

“You punched me.” Hoseok rubbed at his stomach as if needing a reminder it was real. His ears reddened from the shock. “You really punched me.” 

“You did deserve that, hyung. Let’s be honest.” Kihyun leaned forward to grab his arms, pulling him back in a sitting position. His smile was playful and bright. Once upright he laced their fingers together, holding his hand tightly. His thumb tenderly brushed over his knuckles one by one. “But you don’t deserve the rest. None of what’s happening to you.” 

Hoseok nodded, still processing his words and catching his breath. 

Kihyun’s hand reached forward and Hoseok flinched. Kihyun chuckled, ruffling his hair and attempting to fix the strands that laid flat. His words were soft like a caress, “I don’t like hearing you put yourself down. I was worried sick about you since you left.” 

Hoseok bit his lip. Kihyun’s words pulled on the string. He gazed from underneath his lashes, “Can we go back to hugs now?” 

Kihyun nodded faster than a streak of lightning. They molded together, this time a sense of security and comfort wrapping them in a blanket that felt right and true. 

“I’ll fix this,” Hoseok murmured after what felt like minutes, maybe hours. Outside it was still pitch black, full of sparkling stars and the iridescent moon. “I’m going to try. I need⎯I need to do this my way. I can’t do anything that brings you down, any of you.” 

“But⎯”

“It will take some time.” 

Sadness suddenly filled in the empty space between them and sucked the air out of the room. “I can’t do this without you,” Kihyun whispered vulnerably. 

“I’ll do everything I can.” 

“Just come home. Please, Hoseok,” he begged again. 

It broke Hoseok to say the truth. “I.. I can’t right now.” 

Kihyun used the last weapon he had in his arsenal. He held their hands together firmly. “I need you. We all need you. Please..” 

It pained Hoseok to hear those words, to ignore their meaning. But his heart would never waver, he would never let them get hurt by his past, his own mistakes. His eyes glistened, “And I need you to be happy. To not get hurt.” 

Kihyun wrapped his hands around Hoseok’s slim wrists and squeezed. He sighed in frustration. “I hate you so much right now.”

“I’ll let you punch me again,” Hoseok offered. 

“Don’t think I won’t.”

“I’ll take whatever you give me,” Hoseok replied. He meant it too. He’d take all the hate, all the anger, all the sadness. He’d take it and never give it back, hoping nothing would be in vain.

A puff of air sputtered past Kihyun’s lips, followed by a yawn. He reached up and rubbed the corner of his eyes, the exhaustion finally setting in. 

“Tired?” Hoseok asked, curling his hand around the one remaining in Kihyun’s lap. His fingers lightly brushed and caressed the pale, cracked skin. 

“Mhm,” Kihyun nodded. 

Hoseok looked quickly at the wrinkled bed sheet. “Do you.. will you..?”

“Hyung, say real words and full sentences. I’m too tired to guess right now,” Kihyun whined. The dark circles under his eyes looked more prominent as the minutes went by. 

“Do you,” Hoseok cleared his throat. His feet scuffed the floor. “Do you want to stay here tonight? It’s really late.” 

Kihyun mustered the best smile he could give, every line and wrinkle and bit of tiredness still written all over his face. “Can I wash up? I think I still have bits of make-up on from the music show.” 

“Of course,” Hoseok broke out in a grin and stood up, pulling Kihyun with him. They shuffled into the main bathroom and shut the door. Hoseok patted his hand on the empty counter space next to the sink. “Sit, please.” 

“There?” Kihyun pointed.

Impatience got the best of him and instead of waiting Hoseok grabbed Kihyun by the hips and pulled him close, hoisting him up right where he wanted him. “Yes, here,” he said proudly. 

After shuffling through the drawers Hoseok pulled out make-up removing balm, a headband, and an extra toothbrush. He handed the cream colored headband to Kihyun, palm up. “Can you put this on? I don’t want your hair to get wet.” 

Kihyun did as he was told. It pulled his dark brown hair back and the rest fluffed up like a pineapple. He turned around to look at himself in the mirror, reaching up to arrange the crazy strands. 

“Cute!” Hoseok giggled, opening the container of balm. “Lean forward and close your eyes,” he instructed. 

Both members leaned together, Hoseok standing and Kihyun sitting on the bathroom counter. Hoseok scooped out a generous amount of milky-white balm and rubbed it between his fingertips then rubbed it gently into Kihyun’s skin. He was extra careful to avoid his eye area and lips. Kihyun sat there patiently, reveling in the soft feeling of the balm and Hoseok’s fingertips melting all the traces of make-up away. 

“Mhm, this feels so nice,” Kihyun said, the corners of his lips curling up. “We should do spa nights more often.” 

“Keep your eyes closed,” he reminded Kihyun, shifting back to the sink. He rinsed his own hands free from the cleanser then grabbed a clean washcloth to wet it with warm water. His feet shimmied back to Kihyun and this time he pried his legs apart and stood between them, making sure he could get perfectly close. 

The warm towel softly caressed Kihyun’s face, wiping away all bits of cleanser and thoroughly cleaning him before bed. Hoseok took extra care, gently wiping across his eyelids, his nose, his cheeks, his chin. When he was finished he smiled, satisfied with his work. “How does it feel?” 

“Mhm,” Kihyun replied again. “Warm. Clean.” His eyes slowly blinked open. There was a twinkle there that made Hoseok’s heart skip a beat. Their faces were inches apart. 

Hoseok couldn’t help but grin, his cheeks flushing a rosy pink. Kihyun’s expression slowly mirrored his, suddenly shy. 

“Shall we brush our teeth and go to bed?” Kihyun suggested quietly, his hands curled around the edge of the countertop. He leaned forward, close enough for their noses to touch. His breath tickled Hoseok’s skin and goosebumps broke out across the pale surface. 

Hoseok could only nod while his hands squeezed the washcloth between his fingers. Water dripped on the floor, puddling at his feet. “Ooops,” he laughed, biting at his lower lip. “Let me grab some toothpaste.” 

After diligent teeth brushing, Kihyun followed Hoseok back down the hall and into his room. His temporary room. Hoseok leaned against the sturdy, wooden surface and watched Kihyun stand in the middle of the floor looking at his suitcases. 

The box closest to him was full of his t-shirts, shorts, and work out gear. He leaned over and pulled out a clean t-shirt and handed it to Kihyun. “Want something to wear?” 

Kihyun’s ears reddened. He nodded and took the shirt without further questions. Their fingers brushed each other in the exchange. “Should I change here?”

“Mhm,” Hoseok replied, acting nonchalant, even though he felt anything but. His heart quickened when Kihyun peeled off his sweatpants and changed his shirt for the fresh one, leaving him just in boxer-briefs and Hoseok’s oversized shirt. It was one of his favorites, a Nike one he bought overseas during their last tour. It held the memories of all of them together. 

When Kihyun thought Hoseok wasn’t looking he pulled up the collar and tucked his chin down, taking in a deep, calming breath. His eyes fluttered closed. He would never be able to explain how it comforted him. The scent reminded him of friendship and home, and just maybe something _else_. He took several more breaths like that and yawned, not bothering to cover his mouth. 

In that time Hoseok had fixed the bedsheets, righted the pillow, and pulled up the white duvet. He pulled back the blanket on the right side and turned back to call him over. “Come in and get warm, Kihyunnie.” 

Hoseok padded around to the other side of the bed, the side closest to the window, and left the blinds open. The room suddenly went dark when he clicked off the lamp at his bedside table. He pulled back his own side of the blanket and slid between the sheets, just inches away from Kihyun. His head settled gently on the pillow then he adjusted his legs, his arms, his neck and his back. “Ahh,” he sighed, finally comfortable. 

“Your bed is nice,” Kihyun murmured after resting his head on Hoseok’s pillow. He turned on his side, staring at Hoseok’s profile. “And a little small.” 

“You should rest,” Hoseok worried. “You must be exhausted.” 

Kihyun’s hand moved of its own volition, reaching forward with the gentlest of fingers to touch the bridge of Hoseok’s nose, the soft, plush skin on his cheeks, and the wrinkles at the corner of his tired-looking eyes. “You must be too, hyung,” he replied, pausing his exploration and stopping his hand on Hoseok’s chest. “You’ve been through a lot too. Much more than us.” 

Hoseok turned his head and a few tears welled in his eyes spilled over, splashing onto his pillow. “It’s been hard for us all,” he agreed. His left hand reached up and fit over Kihyun’s. He curled his fingers around Kihyun’s smaller ones and held them like he would never let go. 

Instead of sleeping they stared at each other like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“Are you going to hog the bed?” Kihyun asked after a moment. The corner of his mouth pulled up in a half-smile. 

“Not if we..” Hoseok paused and pulled his lower lip between his teeth. His eyes averted to the door directly behind Kihyun, then back to his face. 

“What?” Kihyun pushed closer, forcing Hoseok’s eyes to follow his every move. 

“Cuddle,” Hoseok gulped, his throat bobbing. 

Kihyun’s mouth set in a thin line. He suddenly looked serious. 

Hoseok propped himself up on an elbow. “What? His lashes looked thick and dark as he blinked. His heart felt heavier in his chest. 

“Will you steal all the blankets like you normally do, too?” Kihyun’s eyes sparkled. It was clear he was teasing him. 

Hoseok broke out into a grin, reaching for Kihyun’s hips. His fingers deftly tickled and touched all his most sensitive spots. Kihyun held his arm over his mouth, covering his outburst of laughter. It only took another minute for Kihyun to fight back. They both writhed on the small bed, hands attacking each other and soft laughs echoing into the walls. They finally paused, breaths heavy, with Kihyun laying half on top of Hoseok. 

“Part of me worried if I’d never be this close to you again,” Kihyun’s words tore his heart, the honesty raw and piercing. His hand grabbed at Hoseok’s t-shirt, right over his ribs. “I worried about you so much. So much, Hoseok-ah,” he admitted. 

Hoseok sank further into the mattress, his heart racing. His eyes fluttered shut and he struggled to speak without breaking down again. “I’m worried that everything is too broken to fix,” he said, holding back a sob. 

Kihyun loosened his grip on Hoseok’s shirt and found his trembling hand. With courage their fingers wrapped together, lacing tightly. “That is not an option.” 

Hoseok rubbed his thumb across Kihyun’s slender fingers, caressing it just as the words soothed everywhere he ached. He had no other words to say but Kihyun had always found the right ones. 

Kihyun curled around Hoseok’s middle and aligned their bodies from head to toe. His head rested perfectly on his chest, right over his heart. Hoseok laid on his back and wrapped an arm securely around his waist, the other gently patted his back. 

“You’re coming home soon,” Kihyun whispered sleepily, squeezing Hoseok’s hand one final time. 

“I promise.” His lips grazed the crown of Kihyun’s head and he kissed it tenderly. In that moment he vowed to do everything he could to make Kihyun’s words come true. One day soon he would go back to where he belonged. 

Hoseok fought sleep until he felt Kihyun’s soft snores against his skin. He smiled, even in the darkness, knowing Kihyun slept peacefully. After a few minutes sleep overcame him too and for the first time in days he drifted off with a peaceful mind and one lasting wish. 

High above the sky the brightest stars had heard their every word. It would be their honor to light the way. That night they shined brighter for every hurting soul and healing heart. The stars sparkled brightest at night because they knew the world should never feel too dark. They reminded each precious being that the night would end and always become a new day. 

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**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. all mistakes and errors are my own. 
> 
> it is my hope that this gives you a sense of peace, as much as it did for me writing it. 
> 
> all my love.


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